A pat on the back is better than a poke in the eye

There have been a few silver linings this week to break-up the general gloom of late.

First, I received this year's Teaching Award in my department.  It won't do anything to save my job if I don't get funded, but at least I feel appreciated by the students. Although I have always loved teaching, I really haven't done that much science teaching until this past year, so it has been really fulfilling to get the chance to that this year.  Also very time consuming.  So a pat on the back feels very nice right now.

The other good news came yesterday in that one of the three pilot grants my lab submitted to various University centers was funded.  While these pilot grants aren't a lot of money, it is enough money to pay about half of a post-doc salary for one year, (since post-doc salaries are so low), so I should be able to keep one person working in my lab when my major grant money runs out in August. So that was cheering news.

And last month I received an award from the local bike advocacy group that I had been an officer or board member for nearly a decade,  but have had to leave the board since I just don't have time with work, church, and family obligations.  I admit I pretty touched and greatly appreciated the recognition.

And one night this week, when I was pedaling home from work late at night, I saw the year's first fireflies.

Hard to be sad when there are fireflies again.

Springtime in Tennessee

Its hard not to feel a bit better about life, no matter how gloomy its personal aspects right now, when all of the trees are in bloom and the birds are coming back.  (Fortunately, so far, not our woodpecker friend.)  I love sitting in on our back porch and watching all the action.

Next week we will have lived in Tennessee for 13 years.  By my math, this is the longest I have lived in any single city, which seems somewhat surprising to me.  Its probably springtime in Tennessee that keeps us here.

Springtime is both the most beautiful time of the year in Tennessee and the most dangerous.  Perhaps the two go together. Spring really starts in February when the first flowers like tulips starts coming up and I suppose ends somewhere around the middle of May when school ends and the high humid summer set in.   The warmth and rain trigger all the new growth, but the instability of the weather patterns bring heavy rain, tornadoes, and thunderstorms.  Having seen the devastation of the first two, I was contemplating the possible effects of the third as I was riding home on my bike Thursday night.  The lightning strikes were awesome, majestic and jagged, but I couldn't help but be afraid that if one directly hit in the vicinity around me, I would probably be toast, literally.  Fortunately, my string of adverse events was not extended and I made it home safe, if entirely soaking wet.

A Song of Sorrow

There is a song running through my head.  I admit I cried myself to sleep last night with it.

Its from an old Mormon musical, Saturday's Warrior, which was mostly worthless camp and fluff, but embedded within the story were a few nuggets of genuine humanity and insight.  This sung is sung by the parents  in their home and their son out on the streets as he has just run away from home with his group of friends (in the original version) or with his girlfriend (in a later revival.)

Didn't We Love Him

Parents: When he was just a little boy, things were different then...With eyes of trust he looked to us to lead the way.  Always bringing us his fears, we could laugh away his tears...But things were different then, when he was just a little boy.

Son: When I was just a little boy, things were different then, I followed them with child-like faith from day to day.  When I came to them with fears, they could wipe away my tears...But things were different then.  I was just a little boy.

Parents: The years have passed like summer dew upon the grass.  The little boy that held our hand grew up so fast.  There was a time he loved us, the way we love him now, but growing up has changed it all some how.

Didn't we love him?  Didn't we raise him well? Didn't we do our best in spite of all the pain? Would we do it all again and just the same? Where did we fail? What could we do more than we've done?  Didn't we love him?

Son: Why can't they love me? Why can't they understand? Why can't they see I'm not a child now, I'm a man? Can't they love me for the person that I am? Love me in spite of me? Why can't they love me?

Finale with interlapping parts: 
Didn't we love him?.... .............................. ..................Why can't they love me?
Didn't we raise him well? ..............................................Why can't they understand?
Didn't we do our best in spite of all the pain?................Can't they see I'm not a child now, I'm a man?
Would we do it all again and just the same? .................Can't they love me for the person that I am?
Didn't we.....................................................................Love me in spite of me?
Didn't we love him?