15 years ago tonight

15 years ago tonight my father died unexpectedly from a heart attack.

It is my tradition to watch "Its a Wonderful Life" on this night,
and I have been thinking of how my life would be different
if I had not had my dad. And also thinking about how our relationship might be different if he were still living.

I think it would be fair to say that my dad and I had a rocky relationship growing up. We both had lots of flaws and too high of expectations to accept the flaws. My mom says that we are a lot a like. This might be true in emotional temperament, although probably not in world view. (That may be a generational thing.) As a father myself now, I see the other side better. I know how one can try to love and still not connect and how my own fears and needs distort the love I try to give to my children. I see the walls going up every time I make mistakes, and wish somehow that I could go back and do it again, but time moves on.

There was a time when I wrote poetry, and I hope to someday write a song that deals with this, but there already is one from Mike + the Mechanics
which fits so perfectly to my thoughts on the months following his death that I think it only appropriate to add tonight.

I only wish I could have told him in the living years...

(please note this is copyrighted and in used without permission of its authors.)

Every generation blames the one before And all of their frustrations Come beating on your door I know that I'm a prisoner To all my father held so dear I know that I'm a hostage To all his hopes and fears I just wish I could have told him In the living years More crumpled bits of paper Filled with imperfect thought Stilted conversations I'm afraid that's all we've got You say you just don't see it He says it's perfect sense You just can't get agreement In this present tense We all talk a different language Talking in defense CHORUS Say it loud Say it clear You can listen as well as you hear It's too late when we die To admit we don't see eye to eye So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past We only sacrifice the future It's the bitterness that lasts So don't yield to the fortunes You sometimes see as fate It may have a new perspective On a different day And if you don't give up And don't give in You may just be O.K. CHORUS I wasn't there that morning When my father passed away I didn't get to tell him All the things I had to say I think I caught his spirit Later that same year I'm sure I heard his echo In my baby's new born tears I just wish I could have told him In the living years CHORUS

Car troubles

Our Suzuki Esteem station wagon has always been a bit of a lemon. Whether it is just this particular car or the whole line, I can't say. Even though it was relatively cheap to buy used with only 30,000 miles on it, we have had to pump more than the original purchase price into it in repairs to keep it running for the past seven or so years that we have had it. This despite the fact that it has been our secondary car for the past 1.5 year and doesn't get driven that much. Just a few months ago we had to pump another $1000 into it. Its up to 130,000 miles now. So last week when it went from just having no power on hills to running extremely rough with the check engine light flashing, we debated whether it was worth investing any more money for repairs.

Being that it was Christmas time and we had already spent quite a bit of money, we decided just to take it in for a diagnostic test and if it was another expensive repair we would either wait until after Christmas or just declare it a lost cause. We put off doing anything for a week, then Friday took it in. So when I got the call from the repair shop, it was with bated breath I awaited the verdict.

Then the repair guy said, it was just the spark plug wires, which they had replaced a year ago and while they were slightly past the warranty date, he would honor it anyway because they really should last longer than that, so the total cost was less than $60. I was so happy, it felt like an early Christmas gift.

So I guess JPD will be able to learn to drive on the wagon next month after all. (Which will doom the transmission of course, but its already on the way out, and I would rather he ruin it on an old car rather than a newer one. No way he is learning to drive using the minivan.)

Mid-State Auditions

Every year middle tennessee has its competition to pick the best band students in junior high school (grades 7-9 ) and high school (grades 10-12). (Although some school districts like ours have the 9th graders in high school and some have them in junior high, for fairness, all 9th graders get to compete in the junior high category.) For the auditions, students come early in the morning to pick up their audition number on a first come, first serve basis. Then they wait for many hours for their number to be called. The judges sit behind a screen so they can't see the student who is playing and they simply are given a number ID for their scoring.The students are given a piece of music several weeks in advance they must prepare ahead of time. Then during the audition, they must play this piece, two scales that are selected randomly by the judges, the chromatic scale, and then from one to three pieces of sight reading music that they are given only 20 seconds before playing. The exact number of pieces played depends on the judges agreeing among themselves that the student is skilled enough to merit going to the next more advanced piece. So you get some sense that you are doing well if the judges allow you to play the third sight reading piece.

The very top players make the gold band (24 in clarinet). The next set make silver band, and then for grades 7&8, there is an additional level called honor band as the gold and silver bands are made up primarily of 9th graders. Faithful readers know that in his very first year of playing the clarinet, our son made the 7&8th grade honor band, which really surprised us. Then last year, he was one of the few 8th graders to make the gold band. In this year's competition he did really, really well. Since I'm paranoid about how random people from around the world have been able to crawl to our blog despite our blog settings, I won't tell you his exact position, but he placed highly.

We are very proud of him, and wonder where he got his musical talent from.

Thanksgiving

The most impressive thing about this Thanksgiving was that I was able to go thru the Turkey Bowl without injuring myself. Sure, I was out of breath the whole time, but less than I would have expected given the fact I couldn't even get out of bed Monday.

R & R made it down by about noon and then we went over to some friends house for dinner. We had a lovely dinner with so many friends that it almost resembled the original Thanksgiving feast.



I was given the responsibility to carve the two turkeys and believe I did a lovely job now that I have been trained in the proper methodology.

6 of one Half a dozen of the other

ME celebrated a birthday with some friends and family.

The party included games like Simon Says, Charades for Kids, the balloon popping game, musical chairs, goodie bag decorating, cupcake decorating, making christmas ornaments, and opening presents. Wow, what a lot to things to do in an hour and a half.

Winter Olympics Wii Style

With my sister (RDS) and hubby (RSS) in town for Thanksgiving, and the beginning of TV advertising for the Vancouver Olympics, we hatched a plan for a Wii Olympics. It was originally going to include both a Winter and Summer games, but due to time constraints, we settled on simply the Winter Games. We each represented a country. AMD-The Phillipines; RDS-Australia; RSS-The Republic of California; JPD-Sweden JAD-Japan; ME-Mexico; SD-The Khmer Republic.

Here are the results:

Snowboarding:
Gold: JPD
Silver: RDS
Bronze: SD

Ski Jump:
Gold: JAD
Silver: SD
Bronze: RDS

Ski Slalom:
Gold: JPD
Silver: RDS
Bronze: SD

Penquin Slider:
Gold:RSS
Silver: SSD
Bronze: JPD

Snowball Fight:
Gold:JPD
Silver:RSS
Bronze: SSD

San Francisco

San Francisco and the Bay area is one of my favorite cities to visit. Its setting on the bay, the architecture, the wonderful cityscaping, numerous culinary opportunities, the moderate temperature, and it absolute sense of place make it remarkable in a nation becoming more and more simply a series of cookie cutter cities with standardized freeway fungus shopping and such.



But this visit was more memorable mostly for the wrong reasons. I have been struggling with a cold/flu for the past month. So the flight in was rather painful. Fortunately, I had a short lay-over at LAX, and my brother was generous enough to drive over to LAX late at night and visit for a few minutes. But I spend a good portion of the meeting feeling like my ears were full of water.

Trying to be gluten-free in San Francisco is no fun at all. No wonderful sourdough sandwiches. Most Chinese and Japanese is out because noodles are made with wheat and the soy sauce is wheat based. Everything else you have to ask about. Did have a wonderful pumpkin curry dish at a great Thai restaurant.

Worst of all, my cold/flu left me with no energy. I could barely make it through a two hour session of talks before going up to my hotel room and crashing for 15-20 minutes to have enough energy to make it through the next one. So much for my plans to get up early in the morning and going running or biking along the Bay to the Golden Gate. I did manage to walk over to Coit Tower and go up for a lowly view of all those places I wasn't going to get to, and the houses on the way up Telegraph Hill had lovely landscaping and awesome views.


As a final insult to injury, not many people came to my poster presentation. After the enthusiam from the people at my presentation on the same stuff in Mexico, I am thinking that I may not attend this meeting any more, since it just doesn't seem like there is the interest in my field from this group of scientist anymore.


The hotel was the center of some of San Francisco's holiday celebrations, with a Disney on Ice show just outside the hotel and the lighting of a Christmas tree insight. So at least this was a nice start to the Christmas season.
So I will have to go back to San Francisco another time and have a better experience.